Looking for Evidences of Grace

November 27, 2014 in Holy Spirit, Marriage, Quotations, Sanctification

“If my wife is more aware of where she falls short in my eyes than she is of how I am witnessing evidences of God’s grace in her journey of progressive sanctification, then I am a legalistic husband, akin to a Pharisee. Giving respect is an obligation, not a favor; it is an act of maturity, birthed in a profound understanding of God’s grace.”

Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage: What if God Designed Marriage to Make us Holy More than to Make us Happy?, p. 57.

The Purpose of Marriage

November 4, 2014 in Adoption, Children, Marriage, Quotations, Reformation, Sanctification

“The ultimate purpose [of marriage] is to obey God, to find aid and counsel against sin; to call upon God; to seek, love, and educate children for the glory of God; to live with one’s wife in the fear of God and to bear the cross; but if there are no children, nevertheless to live with one’s wife in contentment; and to avoid all lewdness with others.”

Martin Luther

And then there was Love

November 2, 2014 in Bible - NT - 1 Corinthians, Bible - NT - 2 Peter, Homosexuality, Love, Marriage, Meditations, Sanctification, Sexuality
2 Peter 1:5–9 (NKJV)
5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins.
As we have made our way through Peter’s exhortation here in his second epistle, we have learned of the necessity of personal virtue and the way in which that virtue is to manifest itself in our treatment of others. Last week we considered Peter’s words to add to godliness brotherly kindness. Today we consider his command to add to brotherly kindness love.
Love is the culmination of Christian virtue. Unfortunately, as a result of Romanticism, it is often misunderstood. Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary, for example, defines love as “a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person.” But biblically love is not at bottom a feeling – that is not its proper genus. While love often shapes, governs, and informs our feelings, it is not itself a feeling. Far better the simple declaration of Hartley Coleridge, Is love a fancy or a feeling? No. No, love is not a fancy or a feeling; for feelings come and go but love remains constant, like immaculate Truth. It is a fixed reality, a covenant oath. As Shakespeare would have it, love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove: O no; it is an ever-fixed mark, That looks on tempests, and is never shaken…
Paul gives the most compelling description of love in the thirteenth chapter of his letter to the Corinthians:
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
Love, in other words, is not self-centered but other-centered, not primarily a feeling but a heart-centered commitment, longing to give joy and delight to another. Paul goes on:
[Love] does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…
Away with the absurd notion that love is merely a feeling. Today we are told to countenance all kinds of wickedness in the name of Merriam-Webster’s definition of love: we should embrace homosexual unions because they “love” one another; we should turn a blind eye to fornication because they “love” one another; we should sanction no-fault divorce because they just don’t “love” one another any more. But Merriam-Webster is wrong: love is not a fancy or a feeling.
So what of you: how have you been defining love? Do you truly love the brethren? Are you truly loving your spouse? Have you loved your children? For we are to add to brotherly kindness love.

Reminded of our calling to practice true love, to be committed to the true good of others and to labor unceasingly for that good, let us kneel and confess our sin to the Lord.

Two Sure Paths to Divorce

September 26, 2014 in Marriage, Quotations

“Ironically, girlfriends are quick to justify seemingly bad behavior in their boyfriends and try to explain it away, while many wives are eager for everyone around them to know how awful their husband can be and how everyone should fee sorry for them for having to live with such a wreck of a human being… Would that it were the reverse, with girlfriends seriously discussing with their friends their boyfriends’ weaknesses so that they could make a wise decision, and wives seriously defending their husbands’ honor so that they could make a lasting marriage. Unfortunately, ignoring your boyfriend’s weaknesses and gossiping about your husband’s failures are two sure paths to divorce.”

Gary Thomas, The Sacred Search: What if it’s not about who you marry, but why?, p. 44.

Cleave unto your Wife

June 17, 2014 in Bible - OT - Genesis, Covenantal Living, John Calvin, Marriage, Quotations

“The sum of the whole is, that among the offices pertaining to human society, this is the principal, and as it were the most sacred, that a man should cleave unto his wife. And he amplifies this by a superadded comparison, that the husband ought to prefer his wife to his father. But the father is said to be left not because marriage severs sons from their fathers, or dispenses with other ties of nature, for in this way God would be acting contrary to himself. While, however, the piety of the son towards his father is to be most assiduously cultivated, and ought in itself to be deemed inviolable and sacred, yet Moses so speaks of marriage as to show that it is less lawful to desert a wife than parents. Therefore, they who, for slight causes, rashly allow of divorces, violate, in one single particular, all the laws of nature, and reduce them to nothing. If we should make it a point of conscience not to separate a father from his son, it is a still greater wickedness to dissolve the bond which God has preferred to all others.” 

John Calvin, Commentary upon the Book of Genesis.

The Covenant of Life

June 10, 2014 in Bible - OT - Genesis, Covenantal Living, Creation, Creeds, Federal Vision, King Jesus, Lord's Day, Marriage, Quotations, Sanctification

The Westminster Larger Catechism (modern version by the EPC):

Q. 20. What was God’s providence relating to the humans he created? 

A. God providentially put Adam and Eve in paradise and assigned them the job of taking care of it. He gave them permission to eat everything that grew, put them in authority over all the creatures, and established marriage as a help for Adam. God allowed them to have fellowship with him, instituted the Sabbath, and made a covenant of life with them on the condition of their personal, perfect, and perpetual obedience. The tree of life was a sign guaranteeing this covenant. Finally, God told them not to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil or they would die.

A Wedding Homily

January 28, 2014 in Bible - OT - Psalms, Children, Ecclesiology, King Jesus, Marriage
It is a privilege to be here and to have met with you for the last few months. I am encouraged by your desire to do things right, to honor Jesus while loving one another. So may my words today be of encouragement as you pursue this path.

As you know I wanted to share with you this afternoon from Psalm 45. Scripture holds before us a vision of the ideal marriage: the union between Jesus Christ and His People, His Church. Psalm 45 sings of this union, it sings of Jesus as the Bridegroom and the Church as His Bride. It is, we are told, A Song of Love, a model of wedded love.

The psalmist first describes the bridegroom and then addresses the bride. So, —, first for you: the psalm identifies three traits, three attributes of Jesus, which I want to highlight as an example of true husbandhood. First, the psalmist praises the words of Jesus, the words of the King. 

My heart is overflowing with a good theme; I recite my composition concerning the King; My tongue is the pen of a ready writer. You are fairer than the sons of men; Grace is poured upon Your lips; Therefore God has blessed You forever. (Ps 45:1-2)


Alongside praising the good looks of the king – something I gather — thinks is true – King Jesus is glorious because grace is poured upon his lips. The words of Jesus give life to His bride and pleasure to God. And this is your task as a husband – to guard your lips and with them to encourage, instruct, counsel, comfort, correct, and cherish your wife. Even as Jesus, the Word of God made flesh, uses the Word of God to sanctify and purify his bride, so we as husbands are to use our lips to bless our wives. The tongue of the righteous, Solomon tells us, is a tree of life. So give life to — with your lips.

Second, the psalmist praises the strength of the King.

“Gird Your sword upon Your thigh, O Mighty One, With Your glory and Your majesty. And in Your majesty ride prosperously because of truth, humility, and righteousness; And Your right hand shall teach You awesome things. Your arrows are sharp in the heart of the King’s enemies; The peoples fall under You.” (Ps 45:3–5) 


As a former military guy this kind of language no doubt resonates with you! Gird your sword on your thigh! Or perhaps better in our day, Sling your M-16 over your shoulder! I have no doubt that this command will be natural for you: you’ve got to protect your wife. Jesus took this call so seriously that he sacrificed His life to rescue His Bride from sin, Satan, and death. So you too are called to protect your bride from threats; and sometimes these threats will come from inside your home – from you or from her. You are to protect her from harsh words, from abdication, from bitterness, from wandering eyes, from pride and selfishness. Your calling is, like Jesus, to in Your majesty [honor, integrity, glory, authority] ride prosperously because of truth, humility, and righteousness. Protect —.

Finally, the psalmist praises the godly authority of the King.

Your throne, O God, is forever and ever; a scepter of righteousness is the scepter of your kingdom. You love righteousness and hate wickedness; therefore God, your God, has anointed you with the oil of gladness more than your companions. (Ps 45:6-7)


Jesus rules his household, exercises his God given authority as Husband, in righteousness. He does not use his authority to promote himself, to seek selfish ends, or to pander to his own sinful desires. Rather, he uses his authority to pursue what is good and pure and right. He loves righteousness and hates wickedness. Consequently, God has anointed him with gladness. So here is your King teaching you that godly authority is exercised for the blessing of those under that authority. God is giving you, as the husband, the opportunity to lead your home in the fear of God, to lead by serving, to go into the difficult places first. As you do this, you can expect God to anoint you with the oil of gladness. So love — by using your authority to honor God and to bless her.

So — this is the Jesus we follow, the Bridegroom who provides us with a model of glorious husbandhood: cherish your wife with your lips, protect your wife with your strength, and lead your wife in the fear of God. As you do this, you will be a truly honorable man.

And now for — – the psalm doesn’t stop with the Bridegroom but moves on to the Bride. How is the Church to respond to Jesus and how does this teach you to respond to your husband? For here is your husband, the man whom you have chosen as your own, the man to whom you are pledging your life under God. How ought you to respond to him? First, the psalmist urges you to leave your father and cleave to your husband:

“Listen, O daughter, Consider and incline your ear; Forget your own people also, and your father’s house; So the King will greatly desire your beauty;” (Ps 45:10-11a)


What bride doesn’t want her husband to desire her and pursue her? And so the psalmist advises you: the way to your husband’s heart is to be staunchly loyal to him. Even as the Church is to be loyal to Jesus, to listen to his voice, so be loyal to —. Don’t undermine him; don’t compare him with others; esteem him and he will greatly desire your beauty – not mere external beauty, but the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. Cleave to —.

Second, the psalmist urges you to honor your husband:

Because He is your Lord, [honor] Him. And the daughter of Tyre will come with a gift; The rich among the people will seek your favor. (Ps 45:11b-12)


The Apostle Peter remind us that in former times, the holy women who trusted in God [made themselves beautiful by] being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord… So your call is to honor your husband, to praise his accomplishments and be his most ardent cheerleader, his most faithful follower. As a wife your greatest challenge will be to challenge your husband to be the man and to lead your home. The way to do this is to honor him by expecting him to do it. “I believe in you, —! I know you can do it.” So honor —.

Finally, the psalmist urges you, as God blesses, to train up children to the glory and praise of your husband:

Instead of Your fathers shall be Your sons, Whom You shall make princes in all the earth. [The Lord] will make Your name to be remembered in all generations; Therefore the people shall praise You forever and ever.” (Ps 45:16–17) 


God’s design for marriage is that the husband and wife be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it. Even as the Church is to give birth to new disciples and train them to glorify the Lord, a wife is to bless her husband with children and train them to honor him. So rejoice as God blesses and receive children as a gift from God; but don’t merely receive them, train them, bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, that they may be princes in the earth. Respect — by treasuring and training your children.

So — this is the call that God issues to the Bride. Leave your father and cleave to your husband, honor your husband as his most faithful follower, and, as God blesses, train his children to honor him as well. As you do this, your name shall be remembered in all generations and the peoples shall praise you forever and ever.

May God bless you both as you enter into the covenant of marriage.

Waiting on Jesus not on Marriage

December 10, 2013 in King Jesus, Marriage

I read a superb blog post on singleness and waiting on Jesus not on marriage. May God grant us grace to pursue Him whether single or married – for our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Him. The hearts of married men and women are often in as great or greater turmoil than the hearts of any single man or woman. Marriage is not the source of joy and contentment – it is a gift of God in which one may experience His grace and mercy in community. Singleness is not the source of joy and contentment – it is a gift of God in which one may experience His grace and mercy in the community of His people. You can find the post here.